Forgiveness, Real.

FORGIVENESS, REAL. Real forgiveness means looking steadily at the sin, the sin that is left over without any excuse, after all allowances have been made, and seeing it in all its horror, dirt, meanness, and malice, and nevertheless being wholly reconciled to the man who has done it. That, and only that, is forgiveness, and that we can always have from God if we ask for it. ~ C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory

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That CS Lewis.. he’s so wise. In that book he also talks about the difference between forgiving and excusing. We tend to ask God for an excusal.. as in “I had no choice! I am not to blame!” instead of “I did it. Accept me still.”

Right now I am frustrated. At first I was angry and the more I’ve really focused my heart on the Lord I’ve just turned frustrated. There’s not much more elaborating that can be done without indulging in my frustration. All I know is that I’m doing a lot of thinking and inviting the Lord to be present in a lot of those thoughts. All, actually. All of those thoughts.

Mike Yaconelli writes in Messy Spirituality that perhaps prayer is not just stopping and folding our hands and bowing our heads and reciting “Heavenly Father…” but perhaps it is just thinking to him. Sounds simple enough. But for the past 40 minutes I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Thinking about Christ and his personality and how he handled conflicts. That’s prayer. If anything, that is the listening aspect of prayer. Sometimes I get frustrated that I don’t find myself on my knees often enough, but I know that God is close to me when I am thinking towards him. That’s what I will call this other prayer. “Thinking towards.”

In honor of my friend Cassie’s birthday we all got desert and went bowling. I’m so glad to have friends like these.