I love boys.

In honor of Aaron Raymond marrying Danielle. From August 19th, 2011.

I love boys. I mean that in the many ways you could take that, so we will go over some of them. First I mean quite simply that I love boys. Last week I was showing Shaun how I could make my ponytail swish back and forth when I walked without moving my head. Admitted that it was an intentional move I’d perfected in my high school years.

After proudly walking back to where I was manning the dishwasher in the kitchen, I declared “Girls are awesome.” Shaun said “yeah they are!” That is how I feel about boys. Boys are awesome. I am completely and totally enamored by them. I like to be around them and hear them talk to each other. It is exciting when a cool boy likes a cool girl and I get to watch things bloom. They have an easier humor than girls, and without a doubt they have better campouts than their female counterparts. Brotherhood always seems less dramatic than sisterhood. Boys are awesome.

I also love boys that are handsome. Yesterday Ryan, Jacob, Amina and I went to the Glee 3D movie. My eyes teared up at how beautiful Darren Criss is. His 3 songs were worth the $14 ticket and $15 concession stand purchase. I love handsome boys.

There is another kind of love I have for boys. This is the one I am the most excited to tell you about. I love boys because I love people, and some of the people I love are girls and some of them are boys. The boys I know are really phenomenal. Like Mitchell, who I am so happy is married to Beth. There’s also Aaron Raymond. He has red hair and has the most affectionate teasing of anyone I’ve ever met. When he decides to say something kind to me, I cherish it like treasure.

Bradley is me in boy form. Our conversations are usually “yes, and…” instead of “no, but…” He understands me and calls me out of the blue and has a great singing voice. In terms of funny, Andrew Bennett is at the top of my list. He is quiet and mysterious and I always want to sit by him or talk to him because he makes me laugh. I love to hear about Gregory’s faith journey. He inspires me and challenges me and really listens to me.

I would marry any of my friends that are boys. Not the married ones, but the unmarried ones. They are that great. They have said ridiculously high standards.

But here is the problem that is starting to creep up. Some of them are making stupid decisions with girls. Some of them have given their hearts and/or bodies freely, are dating girls that make no sense to me, and blindly ignoring the warnings of their friends. Once I was on the phone with one of them and the girl he was seeing came up in conversation. I asked him if he really liked her. He was quiet for a minute and said “Well….”

I had to retrieve my phone from the floor after I threw it and screamed into my pillow. He told me to not get angry because she wasn’t that interested in him either.

These are the kinds of things I have to watch my friendboys do. These are the conversations I have to endure and the things I have to pray for.

Today I found out one of my friends is dating a girl I think is crazy. I don’t say that loosely, nor do I say it to evoke a chuckle. She’s a person I avoid at social gatherings because my face is too expressive and I don’t want to be offensive. She is flighty and spacey and this friend of mine is not. He is solid and grounded, well thought-out and incredibly kind.

I realized the problem with loving boys so much is that my heart will break when they fall in love. Not out of jealousy, but out of sadness that I wasn’t called in to approve or that I couldn’t respectfully explain why I think they should hold out for better or that they are not completely free for me to enjoy in the same way.

Tonight as we were standing by a dying fire, Aaron Raymond put his arm around me and I rested my head against him, content and delighted that his life exists within mine. Rebecca stood on the other side and he extended the affection to her. I could have stood there all night not speaking but just being. We parted ways and I quietly walked to my cabin, sad that one day Aaron will marry or perhaps I will first and I will have to love whoever she is just on account of Aaron loving her.

That has to be enough.

I hope that whoever she is will be alright with me resting my head against him, because that helps me feel safe and hopeful. In a perfect world, I will be able to rest my head against her, too.

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Congrats, Danielle and Aaron. I love both of you.