whether we willingly admit it or not, we’re tired of waiting.
some of us don’t hide it well, but others of us are able to go days and weeks and sometimes months without having a moment where we stop and go  “when me, God?”
and i know that marriage is not going to be the end of any problems.
and often the people that dish out advice about being patient in the wait and giving it to God are people that got married at the age of 22.
and i am not some hopeless romantic princess in a castle waiting for prince charming to slay eighteen feet tall dragons with five heads.
but it is there. it comes up all the time.
all.
the.
time.
and i resolved awhile ago that i have one of two options: destroy my inner peace by fretting and hoping and worrying or i can surrender it all to God. and they are both ongoing choices, never really bringing much finality. but one brings me peace.
i’m reading this book called “authentic beauty” and it’s pretty good. and it’s challenging me. it’s asking me hard questions.
is Jesus the center of my life?
is Jesus my beloved?
i am so fraught with this realization that i assume everyone thinks i’m not {insert favorable word here} enough because i am not married. i am not smart enough, organized enough, pretty enough, funny enough, nice enough, selfless enough.. whatever it may be. part of that is me and i take ownership of that.
but part of that is everyone else.
“so what about you… found a boyfriend?”
“is your match in that group?”
“you know, i would like grandchildren…”
i am enough.
Jesus calls me enough.
and all of my days are held in his hands – held carefully, lovingly, gently in his hands. he protects them.
and all of the desires of my heart are laid bare to his eyes.
and all of my desperate cries for enough-ness are ringing in his ears.
so i am okay. there are worse things in life than being 27 {as of yesterday!} and unmarried. like 27, married and unhappy. or like 22 and dead.
sometimes i take my eyes off of Jesus and feel weight in my soul after a wedding or engagement or baby being born.
and other times my gaze is locked on Christ and nothing else – no biological clock or social timeline or friendly pressure – matters at all.
with that said. i had the privilege of witnessing two of my friends get married on sunday, and marriage looks good on them.
